do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
