Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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