If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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