i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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