so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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