I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
