...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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