Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
