3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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