Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
