I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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