Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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