Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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