Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
