If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
