i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
