Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
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And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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