apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
