We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
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