Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
