I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
