Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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