Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
