don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
