then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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