Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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