It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
one might say we're banned from that church
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
