Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
i out mim tonsoeep
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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