I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
this hospital has no fireball
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
