Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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