You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
