Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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