Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Randomize
