hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
