Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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