is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
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I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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