And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
worst night to have a conscience
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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