Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
