I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
