I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
