You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
