just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
