super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
