11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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