now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
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