Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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