O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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