Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
