cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
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It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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