they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
