dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
