Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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