It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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