every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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