dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Randomize
