please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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