Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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