The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
