party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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