I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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