Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
