Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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