And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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