She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
