Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
