Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
