so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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