We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
