I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
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The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
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This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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