You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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